She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
