I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
