Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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