I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
