So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
