and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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