doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize