You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
im holly from the hills drunk
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
