It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
if only i could text you this smell
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
