I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
