Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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