you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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