I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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