Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize