It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
