a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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