is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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