P.S. I can't hear my feet
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
