I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
