I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
