I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize