no you cant smoke seaweed
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
