I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
