there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
