I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
