I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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