I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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