didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
