Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
