JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
