yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
