It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
