I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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