no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
