Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
