I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
did you just send me my own nude
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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