This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Randomize