lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
