The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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