I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
