where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We are two peas in an std pod
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
