Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He has the fingertips of a God
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