Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize