You don't have asthma, your pregnant
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
