First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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