Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
