the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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