Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
