God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
