Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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