spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
