Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
