She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
