I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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