I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize