Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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