I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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