Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
