I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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