By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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