I just threw up on my dentist
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
