Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
