how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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