You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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