hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Randomize
