He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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