If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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