im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
