So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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