Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
