guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
