I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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