Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
